Truthfully Speaking

Living Like I’m Bulletproof

You better pray to the most high or who ever you praise
Politicians can’t help you they puppets to slaves
Trying to get paid and you are too
Whatcha gone do when the gun is pointed at you
Like bank robbers
Bulletproof – Raheem Devaughn

For some reason, that song has been the soundtrack of my life. Literally, when I begin walking, I feel like the music starts playing. I truly have been living like I’m bulletproof. Its been absolutely necessary. I recognize that it’s the only way to make it out here. For me, the song represents a certain resilience that it probably doesn’t even refer to. That song represents the necessity of understanding how to live in a world without allowing obstacles to penetrate us.

Its been a tough road for me recently. Between having to re-think my professional endeavors to having to deal with very personal bout of pain regarding love and life, I’ve had to keep a song in my heart. I chose this one because it feels powerful to me. It’s not some rapper trying to be some gangsta and talking all hard (I think I’m big Meech). It’s very simply a song about real life, real experiences, and I’m really feeling it.

I think everyone should have a song that defines their life at the moment. What’s yours?

Cleaning the Spilled Milk

So, I’m at the place in my life where I’m finally having to come to grips with the fact that I’m not as collected as I think I am, and that I have a penchant for only getting half into something.

I stopped blogging because I didn’t want to be one of those woe is me types. In fact, I’m never going to be comfortable with being that type of person. There are too many people in life that spend time crying over spilled milk. But the reality is, it’s spilled. So, clean it up – and move on!

When I lost my job, I went into something of disbelief. In this area, the teachers that lost their jobs were said to be the under-performing ones. However, I wasn’t let go from the Public School system. I was let go because our Private School’s enrollment drastically dropped – and the conference mandated that teachers be fired. I was the lucky one. I was the unlucky one.

I can spend whole blog entries talking about why I was the lucky one. I could go on and on about how much I hated last year – and how teaching is becoming something of a parent service and not a profession. I could go on about why I no longer want to be a teacher. But, I guess I’m not ready to go there.

And, truth be told, the only reason why I would consider myself to be unlucky is because the economy is so bad, that holding on to a shitty job seems like a great idea. The fact that people are out of work for an average of a year, is scary. Who could believe something like that?

Many people have decided to make lemonade out of their situations – finding free or low cost things to do. I haven’t yet decided what my thing is going to be. I mean, I could just try to focus on getting back into my writing and trying to be a full time blogger again. Perhaps, even finding a niche that people would be interested in reading about. Who knows?

I don’t want to talk about the depression that can be associated with losing a job, and how it manifests itself in people. I looked at myself in a picture, sitting next to someone that I consider to be fat, and I was damn near the same size. I thought, “How did I let this happen to me?” But, just as quickly, I’ve decided to clean up that spilled milk. I can’t make excuses, and I have no time to feel sorry for myself. I only have time to make stuff happen.

So no more allowing myself to get fat, wasting time trying to fix things with people that I don’t care that much about. It’s time to get shit popping – real talk!

When I Wish Hurt On You: Why I’m Not Mad At Dan Gilbert’s Letter to Lebron

Everyone has an opinion. Some have more than others. And every opinion should be respected, but not always agreed upon. So, with that, I’m sharing one of my perspectives on the Lebron fiasco. Truth be told, this isn’t about Lebron. It’s about the things that we feel when the relationship is officially over.

Last night on twitter, someone described Dan Gilbert’s letter as one of a slave master being infuriated over losing an escaped slave. For some reason, that didn’t resonate with me. But, to each their own. I have many opinions on the matter, but the one that I want to focus on is with regards to what happens when an abusive relationship has ended in a very public and embarrassing way. Hear me out.

Picture this:

A young (wo)man gets with a young (wo)man who is deemed to be the flyest thing around. Everyone is attracted to this person – and it brings a certain level of jealousy and self- questioning. To make up for what they feel they lack, they begin to shower the significant other with “things.” No matter what this person wants, the sig o finds a way to get it. In their head, they believe that the gifts will keep this person with them. What they don’t recognize is that catering to someone in this way, can be very unhealthy for both people in the relationship. After all, knowing that they can get ANYTHING they want, they may never be content and, on the other end of the spectrum, having to shower someone with gifts to keep them to stay will only leave one broke. So say that this relationship lasts for seven years – seven years of one sided wooing. And yeah, one could argue that the other person has the trophy on their arm, or that they have gotten a brand new circle of beautiful friends – but, that’s besides the point.

The sig o starts getting quiet – needing to think about some stuff, but never ceases to confess their love to you. So, it’s a cause of uneasiness – but the confessions of love keep you sedated. All of these new beautiful people are coming around, and they have more money, more cars, more “things.” So you can’t really fight. And then the sig o announces to you that there is going to be a big party on Thursday night at 9 – and of course, you should be there. That’s when you find out at 9:30, that they found someone else – and oh, that person makes them happy.

Ummmmmmmmmmmm, Hell yeah, you’d want to wish them the worst. Hell yeah, you’d say some mean things. Hell yeah, you’d be hurt. Come on now, there is a better way to do things. If you didn’t want to be with me, you could have just let me know – not embarrass me in front of the crowd. If you loved me like you said you did, you could have just been real with me or tried to work things out. If you really cared about me, you wouldn’t have set up a whole media frenzy to say, “eff you very much.” Dan Gilbert is hurt! Give me a break with all these bull comments that you all are coming with.

The fact of the matter is that Lebron spat in their face. The way he did Cleveland was uncouth at best. And perhaps its going to be forgivable in the future – because he’s young. But, don’t act like Gilbert is wrong for saying what he said. It’s about time that someone opened their mouth and told Lebron how they really felt, instead of listening to him cry about him him him.

Should Gilbert apologize? Hell to da naw! That’s how he felt. And, when you find out that you were dumped on Thursday night at 9:30pm, sometimes, you don’t have anything good to say. And that’s real talk!

Trials bring Triumph

On March 31, 2010, I received a letter non-renewing my teaching contract on the basis of declining enrollment at our school. While it was my tenure year, I learned very quickly, that that word doesn’t always stand for much. I’d been really struggling with wanting to leave my school – and possibly, the career of teaching. But, I wasn’t ready to be the person chosen for non-renewal. In fact, no one was. Either way, it happened, and I dealt with it.

Between that period and now, however, I noticed that I had gain a considerable amount of weight. I didn’t think I was eating anymore than I had been all along, but I certainly hadn’t stepped foot in a gym or anywhere that required physical activity. I then began a time period of constant travel. I developed a series of bad habits. School has been over for a month now, and I haven’t really done much.

Years ago, I carried three blogs at a time. One was a weight loss blog. I joined in a challenge with some other bloggers and we basically chronicled our eating and weight loss goals and habits. This blog has become very personal in nature, in that I don’t really have a steady readership anymore. Especially, since I don’t update very regularly anymore. But, I think that for the remainder of this summer, I want to use this blog as a catalyst for my health campaign. I know that there will be more bad days than good ones – but I want to be able to come back and see what I did, and how I made it through.

If you are here to join the ride with me, I welcome you.

First goal – run Caribbean Sounds Race (I’ve downgraded to the 5K)

Black Entertainment Tragedy (BET) Triumphs

I promised that I would come with commentary pertaining to the 2010 BET Awards Show.  I hate being late with my responses – cuz other geniuses end up saying the same joints that I wanted to say, and then I look like I’m biting.  Know this, Cee doesn’t bite!

Ok, so here goes. Anyone who knows me knows that I DO NOT WATCH B.E.T. For years, I’ve been referring to it as the Black Entertainment Tragedy. For a long time, I’ve been in silent protest about the nigger mess that that station is. For a long time, I’ve avoided watching their Awards show. And sadly, it took Michael to die for me to tune back in. But, much to my chagrin, the tribute and the show re-affirmed all of the reasons why I stopped watching. But, because I’m a glutton for punishment – and you guys like hearing what I have to say  (maybe I like hearing it more than you actually do), I decided to watch the 2010 B.E.T Awards show. And you know what? It had the nerve to be good.

Kanye is a self-righteous, pompous, egomaniac, pig – and I love him. His new joint, “Power,” is the business. To begin the show with him was really great for me. Plus, they gave him enough time to perform and be ushered out so there would be no repeats of mic jacking (notice how you didn’t see him after that performance).  Before I move forward, let me just say that (Mel Dawg, this is for you), on the low, this Award Ceremony was strategically planned. I mean, this wasn’t your regular -put stuff together the night before -mess. This was some highly contrived, subliminal message sending, marketing.

The hostess, Queen Latifah, was a good choice. Now, younger and ghetto audiences would not agree about that. Perhaps it’s because B.E.T has now shown its audience nothing but tomfoolery and they do not have the capacity to receive a scaled back host or hostess. They could have easily used Mo’Nique or one of those loud mouth comedians, but they made the decision not to.  Not only did they bring back the Queen, but also they brought back MC Lyte as the announcer. Queen Latifah’s decision to bring back certain characters (namely, Cleo), gave rise to the question of her sexuality. But, who cares about that?

I don’t have much negative to say about any of the performances. I was very pleased with the fact that they kept the Dougie and Soldier Boy crowds out at the pre-show. Again, this to me is part of this all being contrived. We all know they were honoring Prince – who no longer subscribes to the coonery. So, they had to scale it down.

Contrived – Chris Brown. I don’t care to argue with anyone about my position. I will not say that the emotion wasn’t real, however, one would be a fool not to believe that this wasn’t a scenario of magnificent management. There is no doubt that Chris Brown (and less than a handful of others) would have been the best choice for a tribute to Michael, but only singing to “Man In The Mirror,” and then consequently breaking down, was genius. Oh, how I wish I were his manager right now.  He did an awesome job dancing. And, in turn, created the perfect stage to mount his comeback.

El DeBarge – most of the kids were saying, “Who the heck is that guy?” Well, it’s El folk. El is also a comeback story – turning his life around after incarceration. Album dropping in July. Where else would someone re/introduce themselves in the arena of black music than at the B.E.T Awards?

Then, there was the re-emergence of Eminem, T.I., and Puffy. Don’t front, you know that this is a comeback for Puffy. Drake had a chance to do it again sans minors dancing on the stage with him.  And Prince – well Prince gave a really good speech. He focused on encouraging artists to make good choices. I could go on and on about this show. But, I think that Prince’s recommendation is a sufficient end to this commentary.

Very simply: B.E.T, make good choices. Don’t bask on being wild and reckless. Understand that you are the representatives of a whole culture. Don’t paint us like shucking and jiving, coon faced idiots. But, employ some semblance of class. Black music was dignified at one time – even with all the audacity it brought. B.E.T obviously heard what people said last year, and they made the effort to do better. And, even though I still won’t watch the channel, I salute them!