I poured it all out
into your open and listening ears.
I said enough to fill buckets.
And though there was no solution,
I’m feeling weightless.
The burden was becoming too heavy.
I felt the curvature in my spine.
I just need a brace
to hold me up now -
because I’m falling down!
We keep falling for false promises – those little white lies that are said in a moment to appease a frustrated heart. Promises, with good intentions that just won’t be fulfilled. Like the promise made to the ignored which claims that, at a later moment, they will have their time – but as the hours and days pass, never arrives.
We justify it to ourselves, and others, by explaining that life happens. People get busy. We tell ourselves that it will come on another day, instead of accepting that it’s time to let go. The reasoning behind this is simple – we continue to hold on to the exposed rope.
The rope is the flash of time when that person looks at you and smiles intensely and you feel it penetrate your soul. The rope is when that person presents you with something you think is special. The rope is when that person takes you to a place in which you begin to believe again that the passion is still there.
But, it’s just that. As fast as you latch on to the rope, the noose is made – that thing that reminds you that you’ve been holding on to nothing but hope. Hope is a hell of a thing. It’s so strong that it can make someone believe in something that is so far from the truth.
Falling victim to this thing has absolutely nothing to do with having a lack of self worth. However, that can be a factor. Falling victim to this thing can have everything to do with one’s decision to expose everything – heart, soul, and mind without fear of the ramifications. There can be consequences – punctured souls, bruised hearts, clouded mind. There will be times when you will walk aimlessly into fogs of confusion. It hurts – badly. But, the concept of loving wholly and completely is about understanding and opening yourself up to the possibility of hurt.
It’s the very reason why people keep their thoughts locked up. It’s the reason why we don’t want to be the first to say, “I love you.” It’s the reason why we get ourselves caught up in the miscommunication game.
In a perfect world, the love that succumbs you, would be reciprocated by the one you love. In a perfect world, you both would fall in love with each other at the same time. There would be no having to be nervous about being vocal about the feeling. There would be no having to file the feeling. But the world is not perfect. What’s important is finding the courage to see the rope dangling and walk past it. Avoid self-inflicted pain.
Even though the world isn’t perfect – true love is. And when it comes, you don’t ever have to worry about holding on to remnants. It will be all yours.
I’m breaking a promise. I’m reliving some reflective parts of life, love, and longing. I said, I would no longer speak on the topics of friendships and relationships. But somehow, I continue to end up there. So, for the next few posts, there will be short thoughts captured and stored. If they speak to you, they do. If they don’t, they don’t:
Funny how we go from lovers
to secret keepers.
Unable to juggle the fact that
we can now only be familiar strangers.
Words must be carefully selected.
Hearts – appropriately adjusted.
Feelings – checked!
Goodbyes and hellos can only be casual.
And, if these parameters can’t be met…
Then, it’s nothing at all.
