Truthfully Speaking

WE NEED A RESOLUTION

I’ve never been one for really making New Years Resolutions because I never really stick with them. I am, however, a young woman who is always trying to find ways to make my life just a little better. In order to do so, there are some decisions that need to be made and some habits that need to be changed. I always feel that the beginning of the year is a fine time to begin tracking the changes. So, that’s what Resolutions are all about for me.

Last year, around this time, I was getting ready to take part in the Discovery Channel’s Health Challenge. I was hyped about it, but obviously not motivated enough to truly do it. I mean, I am not tremendously overweight. In fact, some people dare call me small. But I am not in peak condition. As a former athlete, I do long to be physically fit. Unfortunately, I haven’t had much motivation. Between work and my commute, I spend little time being active. That, I believe, needs to change. So, for the new year, that is going to be on of my main focal points.

Another focal point for me will be getting back to learning. I will not be particpating in institutional learning as yet, but my hope is that the opportunity will eventually present itself to me and I will go back. In the mean time, I just want to read like I once did. I’m doing the 40 Days of the Purpose Driven Life with Ranada and some other folk. I think it will be something good for me in that it will be an opportunity for me to read again, discuss what I’ve read, and get a grasp on spritiuality. I believe that it is necessary for us to believe in something, whether it’s a God, nature, science, whatever. To think that we have no purpose seems a bit ridiculous to me. I think that believing in something can at least ground us. Right now, i’m just floating. I haven’t felt the ground in years.

I’d like to begin to develop some sort of life long companionship as well, but that will come with time I guess. I never thought that my relationship life would ever become this non-existent.

I’ve never been one to care much about what people think, but it has increasingly become harder to spend time with many of my girls because of their current relationship situations. I mean, granted, none of them live close-by anyway, but the conversations continue to end up with questions about when I’m going to finally be back in a long relationship. It’s hard to say. Many of them are moving to the kid stage of life and I’m still kinda hanging around there, getting offers to be God parent. LOL.

It’s kinda sad when I think about it.

But yeah, if I could meet a good man that is worth as much time for me as I would want to be for him, that would be nice.

So yeah,

Get Fit

Get Smart

Get Sex …

nah, I’m just joking about the get sex part. But then again, am I? LOL..Yeah, I’m playing. Just thought it would work with the Get…

Whatever, Happy New Year to all of you all.

Also, I’m thinking about upgrading my Typepad Account so that I can have more pages. I’m really considering. Cuz actually, for the new year, I want to also post more subjects of substance as opposed to the blah that is sometimes my life.

ME ME MEME

I’m only doing this because SHE called me out.

Three names you go by:
cee
Sis
Cecily (My name)

Three screen names you have:
mayham44
naitruth
nai’

Three things you like about yourself:
My humility

My open-mindedness (lol…gotta check that to see if it’s a word)

My creativity

Three things you hate/dislike about yourself:
that i tend to be an introvert
my big feet
my lack of trust for others

Three parts of your heritage:
African

Guyanese

Dutch

Three things that scare you:
Rodents
Needles
Loneliness

Three of your everyday essentials:
The Ipod

My cell phone

my bookbag (lol, don’t ask)

Three things you are wearing right now:
blue Gap long-sleeve tee

Black Modern fit Gap pants

My sister’s trusty black limited sweater

Three of your favorite bands/artists (at the moment):
The Fugees (at this moment and forever)
Me’shell N’degeocello

John Legend

Three of your favorite songs at present:
Pieces of You-Rare Essence
Ordinary People- John Legend
It’s a Pity- Tanya Stephens

Three new things you want to try in the next 12 months:
Getting back in shape

Controlling my finances again
Relaxing just a bit more

Three things you want in a relationship (love is a given):
Honesty
Fun

Trust

Two truths and a lie:
I want so badly to go back to school
In a perfect world, I’d be some sort of artist
I went to see the Roots perform last night

Three physical things about the opposite sex that appeal to you:
A nice smile
a great sense of humor
Ass

Three things you just can’t do:
touch my toes
tolerate someone that I don’t like in my presence

peel with a knife (lol)

Three of your favorite hobbies:
Blogging
Basketball

Listening to music (and wishing I could play an instrument)

Three things you want to do really badly right now:
be with my family instead of being at work
make more money (yeah, the more money we make, the more we want)
have a man in my life to make all of this worth it somehow

Three careers you’re considering:
Believe it or not – perhaps going back to teaching

Director of an Organization

Being a full-time bum

Three places you want to go on vacation:
Italy
Ibiza

Germany

Three kids names: I’ve never thought about kids names, but:
Andrew

Leah

Demi

Three things you want to do before you die:
make enough money to make certain that my family is set

travel to at least one place on every continent (I have three more to hit)

Love someone so much that I would be willing to lose my life to let them live

Three people who have to take this quiz now or die painfully:
I can’t bare to make anyone else do this.

And besides, I don’t know three people that I would name that have not already done this.

By the way, this was so hard for me to do…Been working on it for 50 minutes now.

I’D FORGOTTEN

…When you first entered college, where did you think you would be in 5 years?

I thought I wouls have been in Medical School, studying to become a Dermatologist. But somewhere along the line, I feel in love with writing. To be honest, I’ve always been in love with writing. From the time I was a little girl, I wrote in a Diary. When I went to my mother’s house just last weekend, I found one of my old diaries. Everything written in it was done is code. This is because my mom found my diary and read all that I had in it and then confronted me.

I couldn’t stop writing though. I loved it that damn much, so I began to write in codes. Now, here I am all these years later, writing less than I would like to. Here I am, over a decade later, writing insignificant stuff. What happened to my passion?

This weekend, I went to Karibu books and had the most amazing time. I began to remember what I loved about learning. I ended up purchasing my favorite Man’s new book.

Dr. Mark Anthony Neal is an amazing NIGGA. Damn right I said the N word. It seems as though he continues to be my inspiration to be and to do that things that I truly want to do. I am in love with the notion of literary theory especially as it relates to urban culture.

I kinda forgot about how much I loved that stuff until I went into that Bookstore. I promise, I’m back to reading and really trying to take my mind to a higher level of thinking. It’s been too long for me.

I aint tryna be all prolific and shit. I’m just saying, I’m dumbing out. I feel my intelligence seeping out through my pores. It’s like how I began to lose my talent for drawing. I just stopped. I can’t stop this. I love it too much. So, I may not post here again until the new year, but if I don’t it will be because I am making a conscious effort to go back to the days when I had a passion for a certain type of knowledge. I’m making time for priorities. This is definitely one of them.

If I’m not back soon, have a happy Holiday to all that celebrate whatever it is that you celebrate. I’ll be doing a whole set of reflecting…

Co-Worker Christmas

So tonight, we shall celebrate Christmas with the co-workers. I cannot say that I am that excited. However, it will probably be interesting.

The staff members are all nervous because the Trustees will be there tonight. They are also mad because we made it mandatory that the event be attended in professional attire. Some of the girls wanted to come in their "club best". And it just makes me wonder what I’m really dealing with here.

If professionalism makes you feel so uncomfortable, then what is it that you want from this Organization? Is it too much to ask you to come in some nice slacks or a nice skirt (or dress)? Is it too much to ask you not to yell across the table or at the waiter? I’m scared for the ass backwards behavior that I may be forced to deal with tonight.

I’ve individually spoken to co-workers to help ease the tension that they are feeling about the event. You would think that they were paying for all this grief. I’m gonna be in high spirits. Hopefully, they will be too.

EVA

It came down to two black girls. When all was said and done, it could only come down to the two black girls. Many have given me grief about my love for Amanda (is that her name), but I really did love those beautiful blue eyes of hers. Reflected against the blue water in that Covergirl page, it was just mesmerizing. But I’m glad she got knocked out.

ANTM has to be politically correct KnowwhatI’msayin? In the last three standing, there is always one that knows that she’s been lucky to make it this far. And though she has actually started to believe that she can win, deep down inside, she knows that she may not. Last year, it was Shandi. That was my girl, but she never expected to make it that far. Going home was kinda sad for her, but at the same time, she never expected to be selected. The same is true for Amanda. She’s older and going blind. Too old to be just beginning. So, it was easy for the judges to send her home. I don’t care what anyone says. I’m convinced of that. So for the drama of it all, they called YaYa first, and I just wanted to gag. The commercials said that it would be shocking. That’s how I knew Amanda was going to be thrown off. Cuz sending one of the blacks home wouldn’t have been a shock. I mean, come on, this is Top Model. To tell you the truth, they couldn’t have Amanda and a black girl in the end, cuz everyone would have thought it to be another episode of American Idol. If the black won, everyone would have complained that it was just to please black watchers. The black winner would have done a cover on Covergirl and Amanda would have done a commercial for Revlon next to Halle Berry. Then she would have had a Christmas special like Clay Aiken. And we would have all been asking what the hell happened to that black chick that won Top Model? Just my humble opinion.

When it came down to YaYa and Eva, I began to pace. I couldn’t take it. I think both girls are cute. Actually, I think Eva is gorgeous. I mean, I think the girl is hot to death. She’s like a damn cat. And she’s young. And I loved her because she was more real than any other girl on that show. So people hated her because she was honest about wanting to win. All those bitches know that they were praying that the next girl bombs the next shoot so that they could have better chances. Eva befriended that crazy bitch Ann and then she gets played out like that? For real Ann? How you feel now Mama? And Yaya’s busy talking about how they are not trying to do anything to make Eva feel better. That’s what you get trick. Look who won.

If you ask me, the judges didn’t pick YaYa because she was just too damn diesel. She’s more of a fitness model than a top model in my mind. Don’t get me wrong, I think Yaya’s body is bad as hell. I’d kill for it. I won’t front. But I couldn’t see it in a bikini outside of a Mrs. Fitness show. Her attitude is probably not unlike some other models, but how can you be the representative of America if you are a member of the talented Tenth? I still can’t get over her sister saying that the girls were blessed to be in Yaya’s presence. Get a grip. If that’s the attitude that you are going to have, then you need to keep your snobby ass in academia finding a cure for the spontaneous enlightenment of all black people. I did like Yaya at first. She epitomized so much that I agree with. But as I watched her, I began to question whether people see me like that. I wondered if people really think that I’m a snob. To a certain extent, I guess I don’t care. But after watching Yaya, I began to hate what I saw and vowed to kill that part of myself. I’m not holier than thou.

Eva is young. I like her because she is this girl who can thug it, but can still become this beautiful top model. I like her because I see someone who has been fighting for so long. I loved her answer to Tyra. "All I ever wanted was somewhere to sleep". The elegance will come with time. For now, I’m in love with the ball of energy representing hope for girls who don’t always believe that life is not hopeless