Truthfully Speaking

REEL WORLD

I’m going to begin writing again. And I’m not talking about the BS  stuff that I type here that you all may or may not read. Isn’t it kinda funny to continuously post in such a public way and not even be sure that people are actually trying to be all up in it? Like, when you have no comments (which, I could care less about), do you wonder if you are just talking to yourself out loud? LOL

Anyway,

Tonight, I’m going to get my twist and bend on at Yoga. Now I’ve never done Yoga in my life but I’m stepping up in there like a damn champ. I better position myself somewhere in the far corner so I don’t throw everyone else off and cause them to fall out in hysteria after seeing my antics. People feel that they feel more limber when they do yoga. I’m skeptical, but I’m going with Astrid so we’ll see.

Last night I was telling Simone how depressed I was. Today, it’s like a weight fell off of my shoulders and I’m feeling good. There is little stress to complain about.

There is a Christian station that I listen to at work daily. It plays light music. I’m often disappointed that it tends to disregard black gospel singers. It went so far as to take off all of the R & B artists from the Kirk Franklin song with R. Kelly, Mary J Blige, and Bono. But I listen anyhow. But as of a few days ago, they started playing a mix that included Christmas music. I think the music has lifted my spirits. So yeah, I’m happy.

An update on my BOY issues

- He’s certainly still a BOY.

And there you have it folks, an UPDATE

I am still conversing with the other guy via phone. I still love the convo. I still don’t want to be with him. He still definitely makes me laugh. I still love his lips. But he still does live 3 hours away. I mean, the boy lives 5 hours away. So either way, I’d be dealing with long distance. But with this guy, the conversations could hold me over. Anyway, I’m going to go home from work and make up names for these characters so I don’t confuse my own self. lol.

Late nights

The holiday is over and it’s back to life as usual, at least for a few weeks. For this past holiday, I found myself back in New York City. I needed people. I needed someone to help me deal with the loneliness. I can’t be bothered with Mr. S. He’s obviously still living in a man’s body, but a boy’s mind. But that’s all I have to say about that.

I had an incredible time with, gasp, my sister. We hung tough these last few days. Additionally, I either spoke to extensively or hooked up with many of my girls in the city. Neeks finally met my sister. We went out for drinks at BBQs. We had a blast.

I love it here in the Metro DC area. But I need to find ways to meet more like minded people. I find myself increasingly bored and often lonely. The problem is, I never have time to do anything. But I’m not complaining.

This evening, I got one step closer to finding closure about a certain subject that I rarely share here. Its crazy how things can bother us for such a long period of time, and then all of a sudden, everything changes. All I can say is that it’s about damn time. I’m happy, but unhappy about it. However, it needs to happen. And since I’m not going to clue you in or discuss this issue further, I’ll change subjects.

It’s 10:46pm and I’m damn near fighting to keep my eyes open. I’m not going to fight anymore. I’m giving up the ghost.

Manana, folks.

I Got a New Attitude

Aiight,

No more complaining. I mean, for the most part, I try to keep it to a minimum. But I think I’ve been really being a kid for a few weeks now. It’s time to stop the bullshit and move the hell forward. Today, I’m making an attempt to have a new attitude. Don’t have time for the drama queen bit right now.

It’s Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving and I am at work. I was stuck in traffic for just about the usual half an hour. I think that’s pretty good considering all the radio newscasters advising people to get ready for immense traffic. Don’t get me wrong, the traffic is crazy out there, but hold fast. It’ll give you something more to be thankful about tomorrow.

Just be safe on your adventures to wherever. There’s going to be a lot of rain in a a lot of places. So be careful, be cautious, and be considerate. I have a lot that I need to close out before I leave for NYC. The most important in my mind is the Capital Campaign minutes. It’s hard to sit in meetings with architects. The lingo is totally different. But I had a great time with them. Sometimes, it seemed like they were speaking in Dutch, but I got most of what they were saying. So, I’m knocking that out.

Last night, I was able to get all of those turkeys out of the building. That’s exciting. I have a flyer to create for the Elks Club’s Christmas Party. Like Mrs. V said "It’s going to be an old school party. Absolutely NO DANCING. lol. That should be interesting. I’d like to attend. So, that flyer will be done by this afternoon. Additionally, I’ll be putting together a new donor list so that we can begin our mass mailing for the holidays. If any of you are looking for an organization to make charitable monetary contributions before the year is over, email me and let me get you some information on our organization. Perhaps you’ll decide to give to a very important cause, Our Children.

So, I’m off to work. Have a great day all.

TOYKEY DAYS

So,

This morning, I got into work at minutes to 8am. The good people at Lockheed Martin donated 30 turkey and fixings packages to our Organization. All we had to do was go get them. So, we got into the two vehicles, and took a trip an hour away, to Manassas, VA.

Just yesterday, we did the same thing. Only, IBM donated those turkeys. It feels good to see how good people can be. Even if it only means that we come together on occassions like these, we know that we are able to help someone less fortunate than ourselves. Additionally, we are able to receive gifts of thanks from people who believe in what we do.

Some people feel as though they are accepting charity when they agree to take the baskets. But what people fail to understand is that others appreciate the services that we provide and sometimes choose to say thank you in ways that are not necessarily monetary. Everyone can use some groceries. We don’t have to act all siddity. If anything, we may know someone who can use the items. I’m taking my turkey to NYC. I know my mom will be sure to send me driving to some stranger’s house to offer them a Thanksgiving Dinner and a frozen turkey.

Everytime I see another parent come in here and gladly accept this gift, I realize how much I love what I do. It’s the true essence of what not-for-profit is supposed to stand for. We do because we love to do, not because it yields anything monetarily for us. And trust me, monetarily, we struggle. But the smiles are payment enough.

I can’t wait to go to the city and spend it with my fam and friends.

DOUBT

I’ve been dealing with bouts of insecurity and nervousness. For one, I am doing something that I never anticipated to one day do. I am a central part of money making for an Organization suffering tremendously. Despite the fact that it has been in existence for 65 years, I do not feel comfortable believing that "everything will eventually work out". Especially, when I am in charge of making it work.

I experience nauseating feelings when I sit before trustees and tell them the Organization is losing $5-$7,000 per month due to payroll alone. I feel uncomfortable telling them that we have been taking monies out of our other accounts. I’ve felt embarassed to look at them, knowing that though I try my best to find ways, I don’t know what to do. The situation simply makes me feel nervous.

I’ve never been faced with a situation in which I was not able to be the savior. This situation is quite different from the ones I’ve dealt with in the past. My intelligence is being questioned; my ability to create solutions is being questioned; and, my sanity is being tested.

A few months ago, I was saying that in life, we just need to make decisions and stick with them. Even if you don’t like what it is that you are doing. And for the most part, I still believe and stick to that. However, it is also very important to make certain that what you do does not cause you to become "ill". I think that we as black people tend to take on responsibilities that we cannot always handle and are often unwilling to simply say "I can’t do this". That sentence has never been in my vocabulary. But…

I’m feeling like "I CAN’T"

BUT…

" I WILL"

The boss says that when we feel like this, we just need to exude confidence and make everyone feel like everything is all right. Ithink I’ve been doing a great job thusfar. I just need to start making myself believe that everything will truly be all right.