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Truthfully Speaking

It only gets REAL-er!

Archive for November, 2003

30 November
0Comments

FULL. OF PEACE AND LOVE AND CONTENTMENT

I’m back folks, and I’m happy. I am so excited to be back in my home. I’m ready to go to work tomorrow and have the kids drive me crazy. I am so ready. This vacation was a blessing. I mean, I did a lot of thinking, a lot of talking, and a lot of eating…I also did a lot of driving and can I say HOLLA back. I still don’t have my driver’s license yet, but it’s coming sooner than you think. I went looking for a vehicle and I set my eyes on my dream car. I must begin by saying that I am not a big luxury car fan. I am quite content with a Honda Accord, but I saw a Lexus ES250 with my name on it. Not bad for a first time car I think.
I’m excited about that. We’ll see tomorrow if it’s a go. In the mean time, I don’t think I can post anymore. I am a bit tired from a weekend of constantly travelling. I got both of Coldplay’s Albums and again, I bought Floetrys first and then added the second one to my collection.
But away I go to sleep….ya’ll holla…

24 November
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to know humanity..to find faith in learning


Education does not guarantee economic stability, but it can be effective in enlightening individuals about the realities of humanity.

-C. Mendie

I made this quote when I was creating my personal essay for graduate school. I was thinking about why I was making the decision to continue pursuing institutional education. I thought about all the people I had seen being laid off from the positions that they had held for years and all of the recent college graduates, like myself, that lost their job opportunities. People were still feeling the effects of September 11th and I found solace in the thought that when I was in college, I loved to learn. That is not to say that I didn’t like to learn outside of school, but I was more motivated to learn about humanity and literary theory and also capable of researching these topics at the University.

I’ve seen poverty first hand and I know that it doesn’t skip the doors of the educated. I know that my situation is no more different than that of some of my heroes and heroines. Zora Neale Hurston died a pauper. Maya Angelou saw hard times. Political prisoners and the Black Liberation Army probably knew poverty more than anyone else. We all know about being strapped for cash, using “stamps”, getting free food from churches, eating school meals and carrying empty plastic bags to fill them up with boxes of milk. We know about not having heat and hot water and huddling around the oven for heat, boiling hot water to take a bath or just braving the ice water.

I know about rats, not mice, ths size of squirrels biting into bags of rice, flour, sugar, noodles, cornmeal, and anything left out that was soft enough to chew:

I know poverty
as winter welcomes us
with frostbites indoors.
cold floors called for
warm socks.
And we wear coats as we huddled around the oven.

I know poverty
as windows get sealed with plastic.
Not to be opened until spring
or maybe summer
when windows have to stay wide open
for cool air to get in.

And I know poverty
like: “Do you take Medicaid?” phrases
Cure colds with lemon and honey
…and HUNNNNNNNNNNNY…
no time to rest because the house needs to be clean
and we need to eat.

And I know poverty
like patching up clothes
and handing them down.
So we all try to stay the same weight
so our new clothes wont be baggy
or tight.

I know poverty
as they say education is the key.
But we’re here with no heat
and rats and rocahes raid
and rent still needs to be paid
and we can’t even get sick
cuz…
who can afford it?
and I know poverty when I see it
because, I too, have lived it.

And each and every day I walk into the classroom to teach 16 children in my special education class, I am torn between two different sets of thoughts, one of despair because the students do not care about education. Many of them cannot see themselves years from now doing something productive with their lives. They enter the classroom rambunctiously, refusing to be cooperative. And all of this happens between 8:40 and 9:00am. Already, we have wasted 20 minutes of a 45 minute English class. This is tragic for a set of kids that are reading at a level that is at elast 3 to 4 years less than it should be. And I long to have them love English and learning as much as I do but the other part of me thinks that maybe they are right for not caring. With the odds against them, are they wrong for not wanting to learn? If education cannot even guarantee that their economic positions will change, then what is the sense?

But it is my job to mold minds, and despite the fact that these kids cannot see a future, i have to make it possible for them to believe that education is worth it. And so I work, teaching a philosophy that I may not even accept for myself.

I don’t know if I will one day be so far removed from poverty that I will be preaching about how education guaranteed all of my wealth, but for now I live with the reality that less than 1% of the population is wealthy and education does not always guarantee economic stability but in learning, I still find pleasure in knowing that the human situation is not one that we must face individually, but it is one that collectively we share. I place my hope in the notion that even if education won’t help me live comfortably, it will open my mind and my heart to the realities of the human experience even outside of America.

23 November
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profoudness

Funny,

I feel like when I get on here and post, I have to be profound in some kind of way. However, that is not necessary. If this is a forum for me to speak my mind and to hear what it is that others are saying, then why does it matter what I say? Despite that fact, I’m in the process of thinking of something to keep you reading today.

One of my big discussions of the weekend was geared on movies and ironies of them. The conversation began when MJ began to talk about The Last Samurai starring Mr. Tom Cruise. Personally, I think the man is beautiful and I don’t have a problem seeing him plastered all over the television screen. Perhaps that would give me a real reason to actually indulge in sitting laziliy in a couch and focusing all my attention on shows and movies.

Samurai
n. The Japanese feudal milatary aristocracy. Emphasis on Japanese.

Now, as much as Tom Cruise is worth looking at on screen, why couldn’t we have found some beautiful or even unattractive asian man to play the role? I mean, I understand that actors are supposed to be able to fit into any role that they are presented with, but I need to argue that if the role specifies race, then how is it possible for someone who clearly is not of that race to be casted as such?

MJ got extreme with it, but I have to agree with her:

“It’s like walking into the movies and seeing a preview for Plantation Song with Jackie Chan as the slave and Denzel Washington as the massa.”

Um, yeah. That is a bit ridiculous. I mean, we already had Jennifer Lopez playing an Italian in some movie. Granted, I do agree with actors not wanting to be typecasted, but in certain situations, like the obviousness of skin color and race, perhaps Hollywood should not make attempts to “slap the viewer in the face” with blatant role and race disparities.

But anyway, for next time:

The timeline of black movies
from Boyz in the Hood to Best Man.

21 November
0Comments

Trying on for size

Now, here I am
In a new home
feeling kinda lonely.
But excited

Soon, my bare walls
will sputter with color.
My bare board
will be full of words.

And soon my friends
will want to come over
and see
help me housewarm.

Now I’m here,
in a new
home
is where
you lay
your heart…
My soul
will soon flow
out like the river Nile.

I look out the window
at the whole
world
wide
web.
And I shout…

HELLO OUT THERE
Can you see me?
Are you listening?
my door is always open
feel free to come sup

as for me and my house
we will praise…

Hey ya’ll. I’ve been thinking a lot about making that big move. I am currently in the process of dabbling in another weblog, but it really cannot compare to this one. For one, I began working on it this past summer and that was a time of my life in which I went through more negativity than I believe that I have ever experienced in my life. I was semi homeless, crashing from bed to bed, house to house, jobless, depressed, and in need of financial stability.

It was at that time, that I began to create that weblog. Quite often, I would share my sporatic thoughts with the world, but it was hardly accessible. That is not to say that that is the only reason why I created it. I mean, I was quite content with considering it to be something of a journal of sorts.

That journal has seen love call.
It has seen love hurt.
It has seen dishonesty
and honestly,
it has portrayed me as the human that I am: full of flaws.

In this new weblog, I don’t quite know where I will try to take it. I don’t think I will do away with my sporatic thoughts though. I think in fragments and I love to jot them down in a form that is quite like a poem. If you believe it to be a poem, I say great. But that is not at all the intent. So ladies and gentlemen, feel free to check this out. Comment as you like. One thing that I can say is that I am very interested in what people have to say, be it negative or otherwise.

In the next few posts, I will begin to make an attempt to have you understand who I am and hopefully, keep you interested in seeing what it is that I have to say…

But in your adventures here, visit here http://www.angelfire.com/hiphop3/nai/goddess
Peace